Music holds a unique ability to touch the depths of our souls, bringing solace and healing during times of grief and loss. In the context of a funeral service, music transcends words, offering a powerful channel to express emotions, honour memories, and provide comfort to mourners. Whether it is a sombre melody that stirs reflection or an uplifting hymn that celebrates a life lived, the inclusion of music in a funeral service plays an indispensable role in creating a meaningful and cathartic experience for all involved.
In my experience music plays enough of a role to warrant a blog about. Music has a very leading role within many people lives, when young it can dictate their fashion sense, who they hang around with, even dictating their thoughts on life itself and their position in the World. This then develops with younger people as they grow up and follow the paths within their lives, finding their own place and developing their futures. I know personally music has developed and changed in my life as I have also developed and changed. Listening to some tunes for example takes me back to certain times of my life and help me reflect on my own development in this World. I have play lists, well we all have play lists these days, which allows us to be even freer with our choice of music and what we like to listen to. There is no real cost to it these days, for a small monthly fee you can download music from all over the World, all you have to do is search. Unlike when I was growing up and a single album would cost more than my weeks pocket money!
So as far as putting music to a funeral, it is essential in my opinion to take time to get the correct music. Even if someone wasn’t into music, I believe they should still have something. When making your way into a Church or Chapel, without music you simply hear feet on the ground or people shuffling about, and people always tell me they wish they had had something to cover this noise. Even some light classical for example, Vaughn Williams – Lark Ascending ( https://youtu.be/ZR2JlDnT2l8 ) is used for some lovely back ground sound that is light and smooth, far better than feet and shuffles.
For the majority of people music is key, when people are making funeral plans or letting families know the funeral wishes ahead of time music is probably one of the first things they discuss. This is because music is a celebration of life and tribute. A funeral service is not only an opportunity to mourn but also a time to celebrate and honour the life of the departed. Music offers a medium through which memories can be cherished and the individual’s unique journey celebrated. By selecting songs that hold special meaning to the deceased or reflect their passions and interests, the funeral service becomes a personal and intimate tribute. The harmonies and lyrics serve as a poignant reminder of the impact the person had on their loved ones’ lives, evoking a sense of connection and shared experience. Some people however, have had a loved one’s favourite song played and it has ruined it, so they can’t listen to it again! I tend to find that is made easier over time, and eventually they can listen to that song. As time is a great healer.
Taking the time to sit down as a family to listen to music is great therapy. Everyone can come together with their own ideas of music choices and sit and listen to them all sharing reasons why and the stories behind the music. This can take time but it is key to just sharing memories and stories and listening to music. So, when the time comes and your sat in the funeral service you know the music is the music you want. You don’t want to be sat in a service listening to a song thinking “I wish I had picked something else”, that wouldn’t help you mentally or help you through your bereavement. Different choices within families can create conflict and disagreements, which can be hard to deal with when everyone is in a state of grief. This is why music is an important subject to discuss before you pass away.
For many, funerals hold a significant spiritual and transcendent dimension. Music plays a vital role in connecting individuals with their faith, providing a bridge between the earthly realm and the spiritual one. Whether it is through hymns, prayers, or chants, music brings a sense of reverence and allows mourners to connect with their spiritual beliefs, finding solace in the rituals and traditions that music embodies. The melodies and harmonies elevate the funeral service, creating a space for contemplation and spiritual reflection.
An exit piece of music can be massively important. When you’re coming out of the venue where the service has taken place it is traditional for family members to stay outside and talk to people as they exit. Not particularly for family to thank them for being there, but a chance for people to come and offer their condolences. This isn’t something everyone likes to do, but it can be very important as it gives bereaved families/individuals an opportunity to see the support you have out there. When your sat in your own house and you’ve just lost a loved one, those doors block you from the outside world and the walls block you from seeing the support you potentially have in your community. Talking to friends can humble people and potentially it helps you see that other people have gone through loss as you are going through at that moment. We are all different and so experience loss differently, but if you know someone has gone through similar emotions it can give you strength to think life can go on. You may also find someone who understands and so is someone who you can talk to about your feelings. These people may simply show you that while you may never get over losing a loved one, you can find the energy to live without them. A great time to realise this is talking and listening to people as they leave the funeral service.
So, getting back to why I started talking about this, the exit music could do with being something that isn’t going to make you break down. My usual suggestion is try and have something a little more up lifting, something that will make you smile and think of the happier times, this in turn lifts your emotions and gives you a bit of strength and confidence to be able to chat to people, even if it is just to say thank you for coming. At least you get to see fresh faces and you’re almost testing yourself to see if you can get through talking to people who aren’t close personal family. At the end of the day people are attending a funeral of a friend because they want to say good bye as well, and they may be upset, but they want to be there for you, so they’re there to support you and in a positive way for you picking the right music as you exit will give you the extra strength to accept that support.
Music has the power to steer the shape, direction and feel of a service. These days we don’t tend to sit down and listen to music, it tends to be something on in a back ground. A person’s choice of music isn’t always something shared with friends. So having favourite songs played at a funeral will allow others to know and understand a friend better, hopefully also making others smile together. Below is an example of what I would have at my funeral. For me these songs hold memories, but also have meaning in the words.
Entrance – Go by Tubby Love ( https://youtu.be/IBJQAZGHxls )
Reflective – Thank you by Prem and Sangita ( https://youtu.be/WlKRz29Buoo )
Exit – Follow the Sun by Xavier Rudd ( https://youtu.be/0E1bNmyPWww ).
In conclusion music has an undeniable impact on the human spirit, and its importance in a funeral service cannot be overstated. By offering emotional expression, celebrating a life lived, fostering unity, and connecting with the spiritual, music provides solace, comfort, and healing during a time of grief and loss. It weaves together the threads of memory, love, and shared experience, creating a tapestry of emotions that honour the departed and offer support to those left behind. In the symphony of life and death, music stands as a resounding tribute to the human experience and the enduring power of the human spirit.